D3 body, D1 cock
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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