Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize