So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize