my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
ttyl tear gas
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
