he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
