i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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