Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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