I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
