My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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