I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
