i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
