I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were destined to go to rehab together
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
