So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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