come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
