You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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