I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
