Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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