end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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