My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
