I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
