My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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