lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
