The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
