we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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