Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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