Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
