my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
