You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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