We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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