remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
