Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
