hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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