So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
