May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
