Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize