I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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