matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
should my penis look like a turkey
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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