new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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