How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
babies were throwing up all over the place
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
