So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
