I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
