First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
