I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
