lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That was before I lit my hair on fire
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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