Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
