i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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