He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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