i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
