I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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