How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
