my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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