I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
