i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
