Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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