i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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