Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
