in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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