I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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