I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
