Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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