You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
